There is absolutely nothing that I am looking forward to. Nothing that I want. I can't imagine what might feel good. Well, there is one exception: since the Zyprexa increase I have had a bit of a sweet tooth and food is a little bit of enjoyment- but not even one that I am supposed to give in to. So what is fair about that?
What I want is for my life not to crash, not to fall apart. I guess that is what I want. I guess that is wanting something. But maybe it is just because I don't have a plan B- I can't imagine another life, a better life. So I try to hold on to what I have. Maybe what I need is a better imagination.