I can't say that all was well today- but I didn't feel quite as crazy as I did on the weekend. I tried to be mindful and stay on task and I succeeded quite a bit- but not entirely. I did have my moments when I just wondered why I was bothering and tears would start to well up in my eyes. But then I would tell myself to stop thinking and get back to what I was doing. It kind of worked.
I stopped by the hospital pharmacy today to ask them to transfer my Provigil prescription from Costco. I called my psychiatrist to let him know that he would be contacted regarding an authorization for the Provigil- that I wanted to try again. That the price had more than tripled at Costco. And why I didn't think I was a good candidate for an amphetamine.
What more can I do? Just wait. That isn't very satisfying. I think that even if I do get authorization, damage was done, so to speak. This weekend I feel like something broke inside me. I don't know how to fix it. And of course, if I don't get authorization, then I was right. The whole world hates me and wants me dead.
It is all too much. I think I will go to sleep.