I wake up in a decent mood now, but really tired. So I do my light therapy, drink my coffee, take my Nuvigil- and if I have enough time I go back to bed for another hour. Then I wake up feeling okay. But on the days I go to work early, there isn't time for this.
My first 5 years as an OT I always worked the same hours every day. I think that was really good for me. My last two jobs I have had different hours on different days, and I really think it has been hard on me. It has made it that much harder to create any kind of routine in my life- between that and my changing moods. So in that respect, outpatient has not been good for me.
We might be losing an OT at one of our sites due to the flu shot mandate. She works 20 hours a week. A part of me thinks- what if took her job? What if I went down to 20 hours/week? But I don't think I can afford that. Especially if I am not approved for Provigil. And I am only guessing that fewer hours at work would make me happier- I don't know that. Maybe I'd spend all of those extra hours in bed?
If they do let her go, there might be more pressure on me to become lymphedema certified, because that therapist is. I don't know if I want to do it. Well, definitely not now. Not until my meds and my moods are straightened out. But I don't know if I want to do it in general.
I wonder what my moods have in store for me today. I seem to be going through so many mood shirts in a day recently. I have a good moment and I think I have turned a corner- and then the next moment I can't stand to be in my own skin. It is exhausting. I just want it to settle down.