I was better in the morning- perhaps a lingering effect of the increased Zyprexa the night before. But by afternoon I was in the grip of this horrible anxiety- if that is even the right word for it. There was nothing cognitive about it- it was this visceral thing that made my chest feel tight and like I wanted to scream but I didn't know why. I couldn't even finish out the work day, I left a half hour early. I ran home- took a little Zyprexa- and felt like I was pouring water on flames. Like that was what I needed. But why? What is it doing to my brain?
So that is where I am right now. More zyprexa until my brain stops screaming, or until I see my psychiatrist next week. Not where I want to be.