Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Not exactly depressed today, but something

I was better in the morning- perhaps a lingering effect of the increased Zyprexa the night before.  But by afternoon I was in the grip of this horrible anxiety- if that is even the right word for it. There was nothing cognitive about it- it was this visceral thing that made my chest feel tight and like I wanted to scream but I didn't know why. I couldn't even finish out the work day, I left a half hour early. I ran home- took a little Zyprexa- and felt like I was pouring water on flames. Like that was what I needed. But why? What is it doing to my brain?

So that is where I am right now. More zyprexa until my brain stops screaming, or until I see my psychiatrist next week. Not where I want to be.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

I'm sorry.

Could the increased sunlight be triggering you? I always have a bad mixed episode mid-late June. In fact it's time to bring that up since I will not be seeing my psychiatrist as usual during the real risk period because of my surgery and I don't know where we'll go to tame it this year.

I hope it's that simple. Can you call your psychiatrist or is he a help during appointments only doctor?

I hope you get some peaceful moments today. That's always my wish for myself.