Where did today come from?

I had such a bad day today that I thought I was going to lose it a couple of times at work. I broke down and took a little klonopin (very little) at lunch- I think I should have taken more!

It didn't help that my pedometer isn't working. We are having a contest at work, and my area is a team- we have these pedometers to track our steps. But mine keeps going off and not tracking. It is like the exact definition of depression- feeling like there is no point to doing anything, your actions have no effect. And that is what I feel whenever my pedometer stops counting my steps.

I had a very difficult patient- actually it was the spouse- who I couldn't please and they were going back to tell the doctor (even though I think the doctor sent my way because he couldn't please them). There were the insurance companies who haven't responded to authorization requests, saying that they haven't received anything from me (even though I have the fax confirmation sheet)- and when I tried to refax it, the papers kept getting stuck in the fax. That is actually when I started to lose it.

Then there was the patient who came at the wrong time. The patient who came late, so I couldn't go out for lunch to get away. And my back load of things that I am so behind on, paperwork-wise, that I became increasingly unable to do as the day progressed. I had planned to stay late, it didn't happen.

So it was a rough day. And not the productive day that I needed it to be. But I do think that it was a good patient care day, and I was able to give people what they needed.

 I haven't started my synthroid yet. I fill my prescriptions at the hospital pharmacy- because I get the best deal that way- but it is only open 9-5, M-F, which means I have to go during lunch. Synthroid is so cheap I thought of buying it elsewhere- but he wrote it on the same prescription slip as my Zyprexa, and I don't think I can split those up.

So now I am just trying to chill out until it is late enough to take my pm meds and go to sleep. Tomorrow will be a better day. Maybe I will let myself do some fun reading tonight, even though it is a week night.