Work was fine yesterday, but afterwards I just wanted to run home yesterday and go to bed. Today I am thinking of cancelling a social commitment I have after work that will get me home really late tonight.
I'm not bad like I was. I don't have the anxiety and agitation. I just feel down, and worn down. I feel like I have looked into the abyss one too many times, and I can't forget it. I had naively thought I would have a few good months, at least, before I felt that bad again (I thought I was doing so well!) I didn't. And now I don't trust anything.
I had a brief spell during which life didn't require such tremendous amounts of effort and willpower. It was nice. I got spoiled. I think it is going to go back to effort and willpower for a while. But fall has never been a good time for me.