I got my phone call from the doctor

Well, from her assistant. She told me that all my labs were fine. I asked if I should be concerned about my lack of eosinophils. She said she would check with the doctor. She did. The answer is no- it would only be a problem if things went in the other direction.

I guess I believe it. I'll probably run it by my psychiatrist just to be sure- which may be sooner than planned. I really need to make an appointment with him. I think I need a new drug to get me to sleep. I have a new theory as to what is going on with me- that it is the klonopin that is making me crazy. I am taking a whole half milligram at night- which then gives me all kind of withdrawal during the day. I had to take a quarter of a milligram twice today- I was so anxious at one point I thought that my hands were shaky.

I went back up on the Zyprexa because I felt this way- but it didn't buy me very long. I don't think I really needed to- I think it was just the increased klonopin and rebound effects. Or that is my theory. And I need to talk to him and try to get something stronger for sleep.

Meanwhile the joints in my fingers are killing today, and it is all my fault. Too depressed to grocery shop this weekend- I bought a large pizza. I really think that gluten is bad for me. I tested negative for celiac, and it doesn't happen consistently, but I think there is a correlation.

Let's face it, there are no easy answers. I need to be very diligent about what I eat (very hard when struggling with depression and grocery shopping- let alone cooking- is hard). I need to do some kind of mild to moderate exercise every day. I need to sleep more hours than most people. I need to keep my stress low. And probably I need less meds. At least less klonopin, and maybe others. And then maybe I will have a chance of not feeling so physically awful so much of the time.

It's the interplay between the physical and the psychological that gets to me. Do I feel depressed because I feel bad physically? Do I feel bad physically as a manifestation of my depression and anxiety? I never know where one starts and the other ends. It gets confusing.