Taking a step back to go forward

Last night I took that extra half a capsule of Effexor. None this morning. So by afternoon I was feeling pretty bad. And it wasn't just physical withdrawal- that seemed to be doing better- except for a really bad headache. I felt listless, I couldn't concentrate, I was irritable. I was miserable and I couldn't function. I almost went home early, but managed to stick it out to see my patients- forget about paperwork.

I can't afford to be less functional, even to get off of meds. I'll lose my job. So, I am going to take that half a capsule of Effexor in the mornings- I think that will be enough to get me through the day. And I will keep taking a full capsule at night. Which will be a total of 225mg, half of what I had been taking just 3 weeks ago. And I am going to stick with this until I see my psychiatrist at the end of August. Then hopefully I can try to go lower- and get some smaller denomination capsules to do so.

I've been on Effexor for at least 12 years- although not always at such a high dose. I would have a breakthrough depression and the dose would get increased, and so it would go. So I shouldn't be in such a rush to get off of it- my brain has to have time to adjust. Also- I have spend more of my years alive on antidepressants than off of them. I don't know what will happen if I really get off of the Effexor. Can my brain handle it? Or will it always crave the super-high levels of serotonin that only an antidepressant can give?

On other fronts, my IBS seems to be cured- no, managed. Because I have to follow the FODMAPS diet. But it works. It seems pretty amazing to me that it could be that powerful. I always used to think that I had one food that must be my trigger- maybe lactose, or gluten, or fiber. I should be so lucky. It is many foods, many triggers. Not just one thing- and that is what makes the diet so powerful. But it works, so I am not complaining.

I received my first FODMAPS cookbook in the mail from Amazon. I ordered two others that haven't come yet. I have been eating very limited things- I am going to try to cook one new thing every week. And I need to try to get more vegetables in. My go to vegetables like cabbage and broccoli are off limits for now. Eventually I can try small portions of them- see if I can tolerate them- but for now, no.