I didn't leave my apartment today except to take out the garbage. It was raining anyway. But I skipped yoga. I just needed to veg out, have a nothing day. Thru hikers talk about taking "zero days," in which there is no mileage accomplished (usually a stop over at a town). I really need a zero day every week or so or my mood starts to go. But too many zero's, and my mood is pretty bad too. So this means I have to get my act together for tomorrow. I plan on hiking and then going to a meetup group for a hay ride and corn maze in the evening.
I read and watched TV, I cleaned a little and did a lot of unpacking. I am living on backpacking food, because I haven't made it to the grocery store. What I really want right now are fresh veggies. That is what I miss the most when I backpack.
I spent the morning looking at gear on line, and thinking about how I could further cut my pack weight. I know I could get my pack weight down at least another 5 pounds if I get a couple of new new pieces of gear and get rid of a couple of things. I'm not planning another long trip until the spring, so I don't have to buy anything now. I'm just looking. And maybe by then I won't be so broke.
I found myself thinking about meds again. I have sucessfully decreased my Zyprexa and Effexor this past month- and I'm almost weaned off of the klonopin I needed to lower the Zyprexa. Should I try for lower?
Of course I have yet to tell my psychiatrist I am on these lower doses. This is not a function of me trying to hide it- rather the fact that I see him every couple of months. But I don't think he will want me to go any lower on the Zyprexa- not that this would stop me- I don't know what he thinks about the Effexor. I am interested to hear what he thinks.
If I thought I could take all of these meds and never have another serious depression again in my life, I'd take the deal. I really would. But thoose bad couple of weeks I had even on the increased zyprexa made me realize, there is no deal to be had. Our brain is plastic, it adapts to whatever we throw at it. Higher is not always better, it is just higher. Maybe it takes a little longer for the brain to catch up, but it does. It I could feel that bad on 7.5mg of Zyprexa, there was no need to be on that high a dose. Lower doses have been shown to be useful as antidepressant augmenters, and that is really want I think I'm going for.