No, not the blackness in my soul. The blackness on my cracked computer screen. Which is strange, because for a few days it was stable. And now it is branching out into two other directions that I didn't even know were cracked. I need a new computer. That sucks, this one is less than 3 years old- I can't remember how old it is, only that I bought it after I moved here a little over 3 years ago.
I'm trying to figure out what to buy. Do I want a touch screen feature? Not really, I have my phone for that- but maybe I will in the future. Do I buy a computer for what I want today, or for one that will stand the test of time and new innovations- that will undoubtedly include more touch screen features. And do I want a big one like I have now? or a smaller screen? I don't know. I'll go to staples and look. But after my trip.
I started packing today for my backpacking trip. It is both tedious and exciting. I made some very yummy if expensive trail mix: almonds, dried blueberries, and dark chocolate M&M's. I also has some jerkey, protien bars, and dinners made with dehydrated ingredients. I'm still trying to find some Starbucks Via iced coffee. I had to heat anything up in the morning, I just eat a cold breakfast. Iced coffee and a protein bar or some GORP.
I felt really blah this morning, very hard to get going. I slept badly. I had cut down on the klonopin I am taking at night- something that I had added on when I cut down on the Zyprexa. I am down to 3/8 of a milligram at night. It was a small decrease last night, but my body felt the difference. I tossed and turned, and had a lot of racing thoughts- and some really strange thoughts.
But then this morning I got up at 4am, only to go back at 8am to nap. Now I have had a second coffee, and I'm feeling some better.
I do have some unpleasantness today, however. I have to go into work to do notes, and get things ready for the person covering for me. I will try to reframe it, however. I will have time to get things done when I am alone and can be really productive and blast music and get things behind me that I really need to get done.